Little Tangents

Excuse me but I can still see you

2006-08-03T21:21:00.000-07:00

I don't think many of us could get around in Toronto without the TTC. It helps hundreds of thousands of people get to where they need to be on a daily basis. Without it, many of us would be stranded at home. My only problem I have with the TTC are other people. Now I know I can't charter a bus to myself everytime I'm on it but c'mon people! At this point I am going to tell a story.

I was on the bus the other day and this woman sitting infront of me pulls out a Q-tip from her purse and proceeds to stick it into her ear. Okay, so at this point I'm thinking why the hell didn't this woman do that when she was at home and it is so necessary that you HAVE to clean the wax out of your ears right then and there? I found it amazing how she didn't care that she could be invading on other people's space. I know she wasn't touching me but I have eyes! I can see you!

I think part of our school education should include social etiquette. I think teachers should tell us that there are other people around when you're in public and you should take their feelings into consideration. Some people don't want to see a couple making out, someone picking the wx out of their ears or anything of that sort. This way there is social order. We know what to expect from people and others know what to expect from us.

I guess I might just be extra sensitive right now because I finished reading a book about how rude people have become lately. All the same, I have always felt this way. Especially with people with terrible BO. People, you need to know you smell. Ask someone who you know and are comfortable enough with to tell you if you smell. Now certain ethnic groups tend to smell more than others and as such, those individuals might want to shower more frequently - especially in the summer times - and/or bring a small bottle of perfume/cologne with them. It is just ridiculous for them to think I am okay with smelling their disgusting odour because it isn't. I am offended when I sit beside someone who smells that disgusting.

I apologize if I have offended any certain individuals...but c'mon, you know you expire after a few hours.

Living in the moment

2006-07-29T21:23:00.000-07:00

There's just something about the small town air that makes me breath easier and just enjoy life in the moment. In the big city every minute not spent doing something "productive" - making money - is a waste of time. But here in a small town, you can just sit back and simply relax. It's okay to just sit at home and feel the breeze whisk through your window. It's enjoying each moment for what it is and taking it all in. Don't get me wrong, I love the city. I grew up in Toronto and though I live in Vaughan now, I will surely move back to the city later on. But there is a certain charm in small towns that no metropolis can replace. Small town mentality is completely different from the corporate energizer bunny that keeps going on and on and on. The air is clean and you can actually see the stars! I think for the first time in years when I first moved to Guelph I was able to see the stars. It was as if I were a child again and watching fireworks in the sky for the first time. I felt closer to God....hahha! Yeah, right.

Despite my likes for small towns, I could never live in one permanently. I am just too much of a city person. I love working under pressure and the skyscrappers are things I would miss seeing. But I sure would love to invest in a small home in a small town somewhere to get away when I'm on the brink of insanity from my stressful job.

Death before the end of television

2006-07-22T22:08:00.000-07:00

Many people I know don’t like that rectangular box in their living rooms, which they call a television. They say it’s unhealthy, none educational and a waste of time. Millions of people sit on their couches, eat and watch television all day. They waste their lives away by living through fictitious characters portrayed by anorexic, dimwitted and plastic actor and actresses. Many blame it for the increase in North American obesity that plague our society. But for me, I will always vote to keep my television.

As far as I can remember, I’ve always watched television. Elmo taught me the alphabet; count Dracula taught me to count and every other character that has ever passed my television screen has brought me sanity. My life, as many others, is f&%#$ up. I know that there is no running away from our realities, but why not just get away from it for a few hours?

I can’t say I was the happiest child when I was younger. I admit I had my fair share of crying in my day and still in my current days. I got tired of crying, I got tired of letting my mind race on and on about what happened, what should have happened and what I should do; many things that were out of my hands. I got tired of thinking and living in the moment of my frustration and depression.

What’s wrong with television, really? If we choose shows that we like of which we are able to distinguish the difference between fantasy from reality, right from wrong, and what is a healthy amount to watch and what isn’t. I was never able to submerge myself into a book when I was upset, it just wasn’t distracting enough, it never progressed fast enough, and it never let my mind completely let go of whatever that was suffocating me. My mind would go blank, it wouldn’t think, it wouldn’t remember what was bothering me and it let me leave my life. For those brief hours I was able to breath; my tears would stop running; my mind stopped screaming; I was just able to be.

I am an obsessive “what if” person. To let me think on my own would be to let a puppy run loose on the streets. It would run and run and run and eventually get hit by a car somewhere a few blocks down the road. The puppy needs to be kept on a leash, to keep it safe from harm. I am sure that for a numerous handful of people out there would accuse television of many negative things but for me, it is my refuge. You may not see it the way I do, but for me, television has kept my sanity.

Limits

2006-06-28T21:05:00.000-07:00

It's funny how having someone in your life could be one of the best things and the worst things at the same time. As someone who came to accept the fact that they were indeed a bonafide single who could never land themself a lad, I find accomodating my life to fit someone else in it interesting...sometimes in a bad way and sometimes in an exciting way. Prior to any experience with the other sex, I was always told that being in a relationship meant time and commitment to make things work. But now I'm asking, how far should you work at things and commit before you realize it can't be worked at anymore?

We all go into relationships with expectations and hopes for something that might actually be real. Sure, real can be scary but isn't that what dating is all about? Trying to find that real connection? Anyhow, no one can meet our mold 100% but how far of a deviation from the ideal should we accept? There should be a statistical manual out there that allows you to calculate acceptable standard deviations from the mean in order to sum up if the lad is really worth it or not. Granted, boys can't be equated into a number, but wouldn't that make things so much easier? For instance, let's say my mean is 100 (a bloke who has good manners, stable career, good family, and is willing to put up with this -ME), but I will accept deviations of up to 20. On the lower end an 80 (bloke who I don't have to support, is willing to put up with my tantrums, and has siblings who will not bother me or none at all) or the upper end, which all us girls would prefer Mr. 120 (aka Prince Charming). It's just sad Prince Charming doesn't exactly come around knocking on every female's door, sure would bring a new meaning to "falling right into your lap" now wouldn't it?

In a relationship there are more than 2 people. I don't know why no one ever told me that before. Everyone should really come with a warning sign. *Warning: I have baggage; a nagging mother, a crazy father and household full of siblings* Now this warning is of course a combination of my should be warning sign and my "friend's". I still don't use the word boyfriend, it's so strange to me. Our lives emcompass not only the person we're currently in a relationship with but our family and friends. Birds of a feather flock together - but how alike are these birds? Can one bird not stray away from the other? It is important to get along with not only the person you're with but also the people in their lives. However, what if they aren't the type of people you thought they'd be or not what you prefer? How many points do we take off for that? 80 starts to look like a really high number now.

As someone with friends who have western manners and understands the ways of social etiquette, it's only started to dawn on me that not everyone acts the same way in the same situation. Different cultures emphasize different things. This I've learned from being with someone of a different culture - born and raised differently. I've never really thought of running into problems such as how people should treat you as the new girlfriend, always took it for granted that everyone would act as I would expect. Not the parents since they're from the old country as are mine, but friends and siblings if they had any. I'm running into problems and don't know what to do since all the rules of how to act have been broken in my book. I don't know how I should act! Now how much of this should be reflected upon the person I'm with? It's not his fault, it's not a fault, it's just a matter conflicts between two classes/worlds/ cultures? Not saying that any is better than the other. But how much should I push to make things work when our social circles are completely different; is love the only thing you need; and how much should we worry about these things?

I care and so I work try to make things work. I just hope I'll know the limits when and if I reach them.

Soul for sale!

2006-06-08T15:56:00.000-07:00

The summer is well underway and many of us are working and hanging out with friends; catching up on what each other has been doing during the school year; and others are just sitting around. I, for one, am part of the latter group. It's funny how fast things can change in a matter of a month or two. Sure, I love relaxing and catching up with friends but as a person who is driven by work and accomplishments, this relaxation is killing me. This semester was great, I finished with the highest grades I have had since university started and I thought I was set for a really awesome marketing job. Unfortunately. a month and a week later, I am still unemployed and sitting at home waiting for friends to ask me to go hang out. Time is all I have right now, and at this point in my life all I want is to be so busy that I have no time for anything else besides work, friends and maybe some sleep.

I saw a show on MTV recently and it followed the lives of a few wealthy teens. I got to say, it looks great. I felt jealous that one of the girls was given a new BMW car as a gift from her father. She got whatever she wanted and didn't have to beg for any of it. She just lived life day by day not worrying about anything. She just loved her life. But then I thought, I can't live that life. I've been home for a good amount of time, have spent time with friends but I haven't actually accomplished anything. In the end, I couldn't live her life. I'd feel like a failure. Living off the successes of your parents isn't something to be proud of. Having said that, I felt like a complete loser. I need to do something with my summer and fast. No matter what I apply to, it just doesn't work out. I started the summer confident, thinking I had the experience I needed to land me a good job. Well, God sure showed me. My pride got the better of me. I doubted some people I knew in their abilities to make something of themself, and well, they showed me. You just can't predict life and where we'll end up.

If anyone out there is reading this and has lots of money, could you give me a job? I wouldn't mind working hard and long hours as a personal assistant, I swear! I promise to make it my life if need be. Just give me something to do for the love of God!

I'm not lying!

2006-01-20T21:49:00.000-08:00

Wow, a new blog within a 24 hr span.

I keep telling people that I'm a loser and I'm crazy, but no one believes me. Why won't people believe you when you're telling the truth and believe you when you're lying? This sucks. But truly, I'm not lying and I'll prove it.

How do you know you're crazy?
1. You go out and buy anti-bacterial spray to clean your washroom eventhough, you know you're the only one using the damn thing.
2. You refuse to touch the kitchen floor with your barefeet because you think it might possibly be dirty.
3. Everything much be spotless, of course I temporarily look the other way when I'm in Guelph. I can't be anal living with other people, they'd end up calling me Nazi or something.
4. You have your own set of things because you don't want other people's germs on your stuff. Cause you know, maybe ebola really is transferrable by using other people's things...or is it?
5. You line the toilet seat and toilet bowl with tissue paper before you even consider sitting down to take a piss. Of course that can also get you stuck in a very sticky...rather watery situation. (I clogged one of the toilets at a restuarant in downtown Toronto. Water started to pour out of the stall and into the restuarant. Yeah, another one of my moments in glory)

How do you know you're a loser?
1. You sit in your room, you know you have homework to do but instead you decide it would be wiser to stare at the wall for several hours.
2. You have nothing else better to do than to stare at that damned wall. Speaking of which, there sure are a few.
3. You desperately search for people online on msn to reassure yourself that someone out there is also sitting in their room, at their computer, doing nothing just like you.
4. And lastly, when your friends ask you what you've done for the weekend after telling you all the exciting drunken festivities they've had, you response, "I sat around and hung out". Yes, that's right, "sitting around" and "hanging out" is the universal code for "I DID FUCK ALL" and "I WISH YOU WOULD SHUT UP ABOUT YOUR AWESOME LIFE AND LEAVE ME ALONE, I feel so lonely."

You're not a real person until you have a license

2006-01-20T15:17:00.000-08:00

Has anyone noticed that when you go out to the bars they only accept your diver's license as a valid piece of ID? Try using a health card and they'll ask for a second piece of ID. Am I not who I say I am unless this magical piece of plastic says that I am indeed Camli? Are we not real people unless we know how to drive? It seems unfair to those who don't drive and constantly renew their g1 (ahem Nancy and Diane) just to have a valid ID to keep their identity. My theory on this whole matter: IT'S A CONSPIRACY. The govenment wants us all to drive or have this piece of government issued document with us at ll times, why? I have not figured that out yet, but they do!

But what can one do? I mean, we all want to go to the bars and get shit faced. My answer...I also have no idea. But I am sure that I will have an epiphony at some point, though the last one I had was probably quite sometime ago. I believe that was when I got the bright idea to smoke up on my resident balcony and got myself locked out 6 floors above ground. So let's not hold ours breaths on that matter. Anyhow, that's it for my crazy ideas for now. Cheers!

Back for another round

2006-01-08T13:10:00.000-08:00

I've unpacked and settled back into my life at Guelph. Though this time, I'm subletting and living with 4 girls who I don't know and my friend Katie. My first night was alright. My parents and I did alot of cleaning to get this place looking good. They stayed pretty late and then left. All the who were here last night went out to the bars. I felt lame and alone. I did nothing but stayed home and went to bed. Today was good though, saw a friend and had lunch with two other friends. The girl living in the basement with me seems really nice, that's good. I am glad. I'm looking forward to going back to school, I'm excited. Let's hope this semester I can do better and have some fun. Anyhow, here's to a good start for the new year!

A new year, a new beginning

2006-01-01T13:17:00.000-08:00

It's amazing how fast time flies. While you're living in the moment, an hour doesn't seem to pass by so fast or a day. But when you look back, the weeks and months have somehow managed to pass you by. Its customary at this point to reflect on the past year and set resolutions for the new year. But that hasn't really been something I've done.

This year I've worked for 8 months. What did I learn from that? Boys will be boys, whether it's at a trucking company or a bank they never stray too far from one another. What else did I learn...great things do happen and they do when you least expect it. The world doesn't reward the greedy...well, in some situations they do.

Though I don't set resolutions I do hope to keep a few things in mind for this year: work on my patience, try harder in school and try to remember to write in this blog. God knows I never did with my livejournal account.

Anyhow, happy new year everyone, hope this is a good one.